I confess... that I chirped and squealed about how wonderful the heat was this week, but I actually only spent about 2% of my time out in it. From air conditioned office, into air conditioned house. Sad.
I confess... I have battled ants in my house for the past month. And I am losing. I tried ant traps. I tried baking soda mixed with sugar. I discovered where they were coming into the house - the back door - and sprayed all around it with Raid. The Raid was so powerful that it made the paint melt right off the walls (I so totally ignored the fine print that said not to spray it onto painted surfaces). I stood there and watched, and only a few seconds later, the ants just came crawling in again. Marched right through those puddles of Raid on the floor as if it wasn't even there. Tough mother-effers.
I confess... that the ants freak me out. I look at the floor and there is nothing there. Turn my back for 2 seconds, and suddenly there's at least one or two there, just magically appeared. Creepy ants.
I confess... that I HATE JILLIAN MICHAELS!!!! My friend Lindsay recommended I try out the 30 Day Shred DVD, and I was all, "Pshhh, 20 minutes, no friggin problem," BUT I WAS SO SO WRONG. I can't do it. It's impossible. And that woman is a b*tch. Hate her. (Jillian, not Lindsay.)
I confess... that I was sore yesterday after doing the stupid Jillian Michaels DVD the night before, then went to Zumba last night. Jillian Michaels aches & pains + Zumba aches & pains = me walking around like an arthritic old woman. Awesome.
I confess... I've had a bad cough for almost two weeks. No other cold symptoms, just a deep, painful cough. So of course, my hypochondriac brain has decided that I have lung cancer. My dad quit smoking a few years ago, but prior to that, he was a heavy smoker, and I lived with him during all of those heavy smoking years. You know those old anti-smoking commercials? The one where the old man who couldn't stop smoking is mourning the loss of his wife, who died of lung cancer, and never smoked a day in her life?? I'm so afraid they're gonna make a commercial about me.
I confess... that I think I sound more like Sheryl Crow this week than I did last week. This may be partly due to my throaty non-smoker rasp.
I confess... I have baby fever. BIG time.
I confess... that I have a massive crush on a dude who is much younger than me. (I know. Not the best way to get a baby.) I figured the age difference was too much. But last night, my friend Brenda gave me this magical mathematical formula where I take half my age, plus seven, and if he's older than that, we're good. He is. Excellent. Now I just need to lose about 75 lbs. and develop a delightful, charming personality, and he'll be allllllllll mine.
It's Friday. CONFESS.